You! Yes, you. Are making me go into a sort of form of asexuality, because I just don't look at any other boys/girls except for you. And since I can't have you...voila. I'm practically an asexual.

I had my first chavvy night out over the weekend!

We went to Yates's, and Liquid. It really wasn't bad. Change is nice. I could of stayed at Liquid a lot longer but Hana dragged me to Edge, because she wanted to pull, dammit, you dependant girl! Everyone was on heroine at Edge, I can't believe my FRIENDS did that, maybe I'm just a prude but that actually repusled me. I don't want anything to do with people who do heroine.

I probably am just being a prude and a loser? But if that's what it makes me then I'll just accept that fact. Speaking of losers it was Star Wars day the other day! "May the Fourth be with you" AHAHAH. Who needs drugs when there's jokes like that =')

Had my 2nd out of 3 cervical cancer jab today. I will soon be immune to 1 out of many, many cancers. It's better than nothing right?

URGH, I HAVE BEEN DOWNLOADING THIS ALBUM, A VERY GOOD ALBUM, BY A VERY GOOD BAND, CALLED FUTURE OF THE LEFT. THEY ARE JUST STRAIGHT UP ROCK! AND THAT'S JUST WHAT THE MUSIC OF TODAY NEEDS.

A GOOD KICK BACK TO THE ROOTS. ENOUGH OF THESE SILLY SUBGENRES, THEY ARE GETTING PRETTY RIDICULOUS. I LOVE CAPS BECAUSE IT MAKES ME FEEL LOUD AND OUTGOING, SOMETHING THAT I RARELY AM IN REAL LIFE. WOW I'M GETTING PRETTY OFF TRACK HERE. ANYWAYS. Yeah. So I was downloading it, and it was downloading SO fast, I should of known it was too good to be true because now, at 97.9% I am getting a shit load of hashfails.

I've come too far to start downloading another torrent of it though. I'm just going to have to wait until someone with a good source comes online. I've actually been torrenting so much the last 5 days or so. It's amazing how much my music collection has grown! God bless the internet. And those poor buggers at Pirate Bay. Pro-piracy ftw.

Moving on from illegal matters in which my computer could be seized, I've been going on weeknight cruises a lot lately! They are so fun. It's like hanging about on the streets when you're 15 but you're not cold, have a source of music and can go wherever the fuck you like. The popo are still on your back if you're a young driver though, "routine check", pffft. In the words of The Mitchell Brothers "What do you mean routine check? I didn't take this route to be checked, sounds like you routinely check any youth in jeans and creps!". Anyway, on last nights cruise (tonight we went down country roads and walked up this massive hill...) I found out some very strange but admittedly humorous information about this dude called Sam =S

I knew he liked me, so for some reason I thought it would be a GREAT idea to spend the night at his last week when I really don't like him in that way. Ineviatably he tried it on with me, numerous times in the space of one night, but I firmly, but nicely, told him where to go. The first strange thing I heard from Kelly and Chris was that he kept updating them of his situation with me all throughout that night, and the hilarious thing I heard was that, when he dropped me off to college the next morning (an hour early, with no sleep whatsoever thanks to said continious attempts to have sex with me) he said "see you again" and I replied "yeah deffo".

AND HE THOUGH THE WORDS "YEAH DEFFO" MEANT THAT I FANCIED HIM. AND HE BRAGGED ABOUT IT. WHAT THE FUCK. AHAHAHA. *shakes head*

Well guys, I better go to sleep now, and yeah I'll deffo see you guys again! *rolls eyes*

Whoaaaa, probably been the longest I've gone without updating in this journal, and it wasn't even that long. I've been feeling really unmotivated lately. It's really hard to go back to the daily grind of education after a really good easter break ya know, and my 18th has been and gone so I don't even have anything to look forward to for a long while and life really sucks for me when I don't have anything to look forward to. I think this term at college is going to be good for me once I get used to it though. It's the shortest term of the year, like a few weeks long which means we'll be packing everything in and rushing.

Okay...sounds like everyone elses worse nightmare but I really like the stress of rushing, it keeps me motivated and challenaged so I'll work my best. Which is why I should get a job that pays by commission! But anyway what has actuuuuually happened in my life since I last updated. Ooh I've been going for weeknight cruises a lot lately =D I love them! I'm so glad me and Kelly are hanging out lots once again. Family life is still awesome as per usual. Love life is non existant as usual. Except for people that I'm really not interested in liking me. As usual. Maybe I should learn to settle for less but no, that is just not me! Only the best for me, because I fucking deserve it.

Guh! There's this top right...and it's beautiful, and I must have it NAOW but...my rational side of me (the tiny, tiny rational side of me) is telling me to wait 'til next week until their sale starts. Ugh. It better be in the sale or I'm just going to be going insane for the next week for no reason. In other news Melody is all pissy at me, for something that wasn't even in my control. Basically Ben and Chris were 4 HOURS LATE to mine, so we couldn't go to hers and pick up. But why the fuck is she angry at me when it wasn't my fault, I wanted to go see her but I psyhically couldn't. There's nothing I could and there's nothing she could so she should just leave it. I was pissed off at Ben and Chris too...because they were the right people to get pissed off at.

Oh and Ben really pissed me off even moreso last night. By saying, when they were discussing electricity, and trying to proove themselves to each other as they always do, that I'M not intelligent enough to join in their conversation.

Yeah. Because I didn't choose to be an electrician for my career, earning 17 grand a year with no hope of a promotion to anything.

It's cool though because I'M going to university, and he can come fix my lights in my house while I'll be doing something with myself.

Wow...so yesterday I thought I woke up with the worse throat ever. I was wrong. TODAY I woke up with the worse throat ever, and a headache, and watering eyes and a runny nose.

DAMN YOU THE COMMON COLD! I said it once I'll say it again, nothing is going to stop me from boogying at Edge on Tuesday!

My epic headache has slightly died down now, so continuing from last post...yes, exitementness. Yeah...Fariz totally started speaking to me last night which was...shocking. But anyway we talked stuff over and broke the awkwardness after 7 loooong months.

He is sooooo nice! God damn it. But I swear to God, for ages last night he was like "I don't know what's happening really, I don't even notice any awkwardness". He can't seriously think that we were acting like we always used to act with each other before our whole...encounter with each happened. Such lies! HE was the one making it awkward!

Whatever. I'm just glad we're friends again now. I TOLD you guys I'd do it before easter break is over...and I did. Well okay he did. WHATEVERRR. Time to get high. Bye

Oh man. I just woke up with the worst throat ever.

Something kinda exciting, well exciting to me, happened last night after I came home from cinema. It's just the thing I've kinda been freaking out about for the last 7 months became over in an instant. Moar deetz later.

----Edit----

1. I have quite an addictive personality.

2. I have had the same two favourite bands for over 3 years.

3. I used to do ballet and horse riding every week when I was younger

4. I wish I stuck to at least one of those ^

5. When I was 16 Jamie from Klaxons gave me his beer but the bouncer made me chuck it away =( I didn't want to drink it! I just wanted to take a swab of his spit and clone him?

6. I can't get angry without crying. It's really annoying.

7. I fancied the same guy for about 6 years now. There's obviously other people in between but it always goes back to him. And I've only told 2 people about that, both quite recently, so LJ friends count yourself lucky!

8. I'm really shit at making new friends. I never make enough effort because I find getting to know each other incredibily boring. Sorry.

9. I am a really picky sleeper. I can't sleep on sofas or floors, sometimes even other peoples bed, it has to be completely silent and just the right amount of light.

10. I don't like hot drinks whatsoever.

11. Everyone is always really surprised when they find out what sort of guys I like. I guess I kinda look like I'd like clean cut, indie-loving dudes but I actually can't stand them. Give me an unfashionable guy with a beard and who listens to proper metal and I'll be happy haha.

12. Adriana Lima, Leighton Meester and Scarlett Johansson are the most beautiful women in the world.

13. I'm not very alike to my close friends. But that's cool, I wouldn't want us to all go around looking the same or anything.

14. Top 3 gigs I've ever been to are: 1) The Fall of Troy at The Peel, LDN. 2) Justice and Late of the Pier and The Teenagers at Astoria, LDN and 3) Klaxons at Shepards Bush Empire, LDN.

15. I like food that everybody hates such as gherkins, onions, salad and seaweed.

16. Trying to decide between Acient Egyptolgy and Software Development as to what I'm going to study at Uni

17. I used to refuse to wear high heels until a few months ago because I was paranoid about how tall I am. But really 5'8" isn't that tall at all. I still couldn't be a model lol.

18. I love The Sims 2!

19. When a guy is too clingy with me it makes me think that I'm too good for him. Which is conceited and nasty of me I know. But when a guy isn't I think that he's too good for me so I just run away and don't bother with him. Therefore I am never ever satisfied with anyone.

20. I'm an all or nothing person. It's either 100% effort with me or none in the slightest.

21. I have the shirt that Thomas Erak was wearing at the Islington gig in my room. I fought a huge guy for that top butttt I got it in the end.

22. I don't know what I'd do without my iPod

23. I'm kinda OCD about my skincare routine...I need to be.

24. I've run out of things to say

25. I found this kinda fun =)

Sheeee'....

jess says: i saw your friend sammm last night, the one that was at TFOT. nice guy, although he did try to stick his hand up my skirt, but he was EXTREMELY drunk so i'll forgive
J A M I E says: what
J A M I E says: he's going out with my ex

=| May of potentially destroyed a relationship there. Well...it can't of been that great if he was looking to cheat anyway. Still =| =| =|

Going out in London has actually made me HATE Edge

One of my most beloved places!

I didn't realise how fucking image obsessed everybody is in there. People should be going out to have a good time but instead are going out to proove something to everybody.

People need to get over themselves. Oh, I can't wait 'til I go to uni and can have proper nights out all the time! Going London also made me realise I haven't even had one of those yet. And I have to miss Gossip Girl tonight as I missed last weeks, and I'll be all confused, dammit. So there are my Wednesday night plans gone.

I don't know what to do with myself! Dun dun dun

HEY SMILING STRANGE

YOU'RE LOOKING HAPPILY DERANGED

CAN YOU SETTLE TO SHOOT ME?

OR HAVE YOU PICKED YOUR TARGET YET

HEY SANDY AY YAH YAH

DON'T YOU TALK BACK!


Managed to squeeze a couple of hours of sleep in, eventually. Only to be woken up by a crying baby. And because I slept in clothes - urgh, so uncomfortable - I'm all sweaty and my face is all shiny. Niiiice. But my bank card also finally arrived today, it has that disgusting olypmics logo all over it, the one where it looks like two people have anal sex. I don't want that on my card! I want the horse back!

WE WAS ONLY FUNNING, BUT GUILTILY I THOUGHT YOU HAD IT COMING

Okay basically, it's not even 8am yet in easter holidays and I'm awake.

I have that thing...when you are at the level of drunkness when you can't sleep, and I'm STILL drunk so therefore still awake. And I have a driving lesson in 2 hours...I'm thinking that needs to be cancelled as, it's breaking the lawwww. Yes, so my first Edge on a Tuesday after turning 18 happened last night. The last Tuesday of easter break so it was packed out of course. I had a really fun time, made some friends, made some haters, made some friends through hating the haters. And I STILL haven't got IDed yet, what the fuck, so unsatisfying. Someone please, for the love of God, ID ME!!!

And wow, Fariz was there. He added me on facebook yesterday which I found hilariously strange, as he hasn't breathed a word to me for over half a year. So I thought he stopped being scared of me, WRRRONG. He also told James that night that he wanted to speak to me again. So I said hi to him...he waved and then ran away, as usual.

Strange and confusing boy, I wish I knew why he's being so weird with me. I just want to be his friend again, dammit. Sorry if this makes no sense, I'M TIRED AND DRUNK

AND I FORGOT TO MENTION

CAN I JUST SAY HOW CRAP THIS SERIES OF ANTM WAS. YOU ARE ALL SUCH BORING, SHITTY MODELS.

THANK YOU. GOODBYE.

I LOVE it when my close friends all get along with each other.

It doesn't happen a lot, as I have completely amazing friends but somehow they are all from different circles, and all have different lifestyles. But recently they have all got to meet and chat to each properly and they just seem to automatically like each other all of a sudden.

Whee! Hopefully we can all hang out more, like Nikki and Hana with Kelly, and those lot with Melody, and it won't be so hard to keep in touch with everybody. Especially with Melody, because she's having a shit time lately. Her horrible ex best friend phoned her mum up last night, and told her every bad thing Melody has done, and now basically ruined her life. Eurgh!

My mum dropped a fucking painting straight onto my ankle today, while we were reminising over The IT Crowd. The glass frame went straight into my flesh. Its a small cut but hella deep. Like a hole in my foot. And it hurts soooo much! I really hope that I can boogie tomorrow night at Edge, that is my main concern. I will go! Nothing can stop me!

Note to self: fucking order that stuff from Lush and Bodycare...lazy bitch.

I've realised that I took NO pictures on my 18th birthday outing. So all I have to remember by it is my blurry memories. And I guess this journal entry xD Plan was to go to Koko in Camden, but Rew pursauded me that it will be a better and cheaper night if we just go on a club crawl around Brick Lane and Shoreditch, and he knows more about London that I do so I took his word for it! Nikki, Hana, James and myself proceeded to Podds flat in London where Rew and Davey also were to pre-drink so we don't spend too much money in the clubs. Cheap vodka = <3

So we left his at like 10.30 and went to Brick Lane, after leaving Hana and Podd at the station by accident, lol. First we went to Cafe 1001, where Bloc Party shot some of the video for The Prayer! Man, it was so.sick. Usually I'm pretty snobby about clubs that don't play my preferred taste of music, but this club was dancey, but not typical English chavvy simple all-sounding-the same dance. It was Soulwax-y and Justice-y and it wasn't like Edge, where you have a lot of of people standing around looking cool and all looked the same - everyone was dancing.

Drinks were pricey, hella pricey, but they gave you loads more vodka in a double vodka and coke than other place I've been to, so it was fair. The whole atmosphere in that place was amazing and made me realise I have never been to a real club before, lmao.

Then we went to another club, I can't remember the name but it's alright (excuse the cheesy Lady Gaga reference), there was MC's hahaha, proper grimey but in a good way! Refreshing, as Rew scared me by saying by saying Brick Lane and Shoreditch is indie and electro kid heaven, he said it in a good way but he doesn't realise that I hate that scene! I hate people who keep a persona like that and are small minded, and just disregard and stick their nose up at people who like any other kind of music? Hipster, mean faggots.

Like at Peters the other day where I was listing the small amount of bands that I wanna see at Reading and as soon as I mentioned Deftones, everyone kinda went "euuuurgh." URGH! Open your eyes people. Anyway, on the way to Club 54 which was open til 9 in the mawwwning Davey cracked his head open and Podds eye went green because James threw a card at it? So those two ended up in A&E, why do my nights always end like this? Haha. The rest of us searched for more clubs though then went back to Podds, he gave us his key. MANY lulz ensured, that I cba to list.

Ahhh overall tres good night =D Wanna do it again so badly. And I only spent 40 quid! Including travel! Whoo!

http://petitions.number10.gov.uk/Tomlinson-Case/

If you live in the UK, sign it.

There's a chance to get just slightly involved in something that could, and hopefully will make a difference so I don't know why anyone would NOT sign it and pass up the chance. Am really interested to know what else went on there.

This will be a brief entry.

Had such a satisfying birthday. 18th's R00L. You get so spoilt, I wish I took more advantage of it actually. And I felt so loved too ^.^

Got some gorgeous white gold earrings, lots of designer make-up, a £350 holiday paid for, Dc Martens <3 <3 <3, like 120 squid, plus other bits and bobs.

And I never thought I'd say it but TOO MANY DRESSES. I have like 6. Mostly from my mum. All super cute though.

Then I went to TGI Fridays and stuffed my face =)

I muchly appriciate it all. Especially the designer make-up from my sister... she really didn't have to spend that much on me.

What I really would of liked is for Fariz to be friends with me again. He did squeak hello to me though, it's a start right?

I'm going to stop mentioning him now as I sounded obsessed. Who I'm TRUELY obsessed with is some perfect icey blue eyed guy I saw on the tube though. I SAID GOD DAMN! And maybe I was delirous from eating too much but I swear to God that he was smiling directly at me the whole time.

Today sucked though as my bag got stolen. Jokes on them though because I only had my bank card in there which I promptly cancelled. Still upsetting for that to happen to you though.

I hate people. I hate this town. I hate people in this town.

I'M 18!!!!!